Monday, January 1, 2018

Away and Back Again | My Social Media Break

The internet is a funny thing, isn't it? A still relatively new resource, it has consumed our daily lives and dependencies like rapid fire, and while a blooming garden of inspiration and encouragement, it can just as quickly turn into a black hole that strips us of time, confidence, and contentment.

Don't get me wrong, I love it and am deeply grateful for it, but in the first half of 2017 I found myself hurtling through the time warp rather than strolling down the garden path. Returning from a month of travels, phone in hand, wrist aching as a clear sign of over-attachment, it was finally time.

If I'm being honest, I felt the pull to step away from the internet last May, and I didn't do it until August. Even then, I didn't do it perfectly. I spent the last two months ghosting (glancing on line, scrolling without posting or engaging), willing away the time until I could jump back online.

My "break" was hardly what I planned or expected. 

Even so, It wasn't a waste. 

And that sentence right there is evidence of a heart shift that's happening. It's still a work in progress, but there's forward movement.



I'm a perfectionist. A procrastinator. A people-pleaser. A pre-planner. 

I tout my affinity for pretty goal planning pages and checklists, while in reality I weigh myself down with guilt for things left unfinished or hurried at the last minute. I post framed prints of "Progress not Perfection" while running myself ragged with reprimands for mistakes, or throwing goals out the window entirely when the first smudge of ink smears the edge of the page.

These last five months have shown me that I need a heavy dollop of grace atop the mess of my life, and they've taught me that the mess doesn't have to be shelved neatly (or shoved away in a closet) for growth or progress to be made.

Yes, I'd love things tightly ordered.
Yes, I'd love to tackle a project perfectly.
Yes, I'd love to return to the internet with a laundry list of accomplishments and blessings.
Yes, I'd love to say that I'm a completely changed woman and the internet is best left alone.

But God.

But God taught me that He is at work in the mess.
But God revealed that He is pleased by my faithfulness rather than my forced fruit.
But God isn't a blessing vending machine and instead is a faithful, forgiving, fun-loving Father.
But God did change me and God CAN use the internet to do so.

But God didn't do it in the way I expected.

It's true, I'm back on the internet and glad to be so. I'm excited to write and share and connect with all of you all over again. I stepped away for a while, and it was good for my soul, even though I "failed" the commitment more than once and scrolled away a day or two.

I'm not entirely sure what's next, but I'm excited to see.
I'm excited to share, but I'm excited to keep some things close to my heart, too.
I'm grateful for you who've cheered me on and stuck around.
I'm thankful for you who are finding this space for the first time.
I'm praying you see more of Jesus here than of me, and I'm anticipating a pretty big learning curve.
I'm saying thanks in advance for the grace as I make a mess, and I pray we embrace the mess together.

I've gone away, and I'm back again, and I can't wait to see what's up for us next. 

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