Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Settling into This Season

You could say it was a bit ambitious to sign up for a second month-long blog challenge while in the middle of another. You could also say I should have known better than to trust my judgement when I was down for the count with a respiratory infection. What sounded like a good idea at 11:00pm on cold meds was probably not in fact the wisest choice. But I jumped in anyways. Eight days in and I floundered. The #write31days was right up my alley, and the topic of "Savoring Your Season" was one I have been eager to dive into. But somewhere along the way I had to sink into my own season. 


Four words why: grad school is hard.
Is that a given? Yes. 
Should I have been prepared for that? Yes.
Did it knock my feet out from under me? Yes.

My days are full to the brim, and I have been treading water trying to juggle too many balls. How did I do it in undergrad? Classes from 9-2, work from 2-5, church events from 6-9, rehearsal 10-midnight. Who? What? Why? HOW?! I can no longer keep the same schedule healthily, and two weeks ago everything came skidding to a halt. Anxiety weighed on my heart and sent it fluttering restlessly. Lightheaded and overwhelmed, I had to take a good look at my days and how I should be --or shouldn't be-- spending them.

The blog went on pause. I know, I'm being a little dramatic because it was only a week and a half, but after the momentum from the Blog-tember Challenge I wanted to keep things running and running fast. However, I couldn't keep up.

The topic that had been stirring on my heart and in my prayer life was now becoming a packaged product I was trying to toss out the door on time instead of letting it steep in my soul. This community, which is one of the most refreshing and life-giving parts of my week, cannot be carried out of a place of striving. I need rest. Badly. And I need grace. Oh Lord, let it be and amen!

You know, I don't know where this post is going, but I needed to put fingers to keys and try to sort out the mess in my head and in my heart. I love blogging and I love you all dearly; you don't know just how much you mean to me and how this community brightens my week. But something has to give in this season and for now it's my blog.

I still plan to write as often as possible, but it might be once a week. It could be five times a week, once a month, Sunday evenings, but who knows? It all depends. And that's okay. I am so thankful for the friendships that have been born out of this corner of the internet and I hope to continue to connect with you all as best I can! Instagram seems to be the easiest place these days. Follow me here: baileyjeanrobert.

So why share all this? I'm asking for prayer. I would love for you to partner with me in praying for my graduate program, that the atmosphere that weighs heavily on me during the day would be brightened and lightened with Christ's love, and that I could break old habits in order to seek spiritual and physical health. And let's pray for this community, that God would continue to be glorified as women (and men) encourage one another and support each other's stories/journeys as we share them.

Have a blessed day, y'all!

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