For a girl who doesn't like coffee, I'm a huge fan of coffee dates. So let's pretend, shall we? It's just you and me. We are perched by the window or in arm chairs off to the side, drinks in hand, hearts on the table. Norah Jones is playing softly throughout the room, the atmosphere is warm and inviting, and we dive right on in after briefly chatting about the weather (Seattle has been gorgeous lately, by the way) or a funny run in in the parking lot (but really, how hard should it be to parallel park my tiny car?).
If you and I sat down for coffee and my turn to share came around, I'd smile but my eyes would be tired. I can almost guarantee a half-hearted laugh would precede the upcoming conversation and my drink would become cold by the time I finish. I'd regale you with stories about the show that I'm directing. Trying to put together a production of Peter Pan with 4th-6th graders is a hoot and a half, and sometimes I feel up a creek without a paddle. We had more than one "come to Jesus meetings" about the disrespect being sent my way and the lack of discipline and dedication they have been showing. I've had parent meetings and e-mails, in class injuries and injustices, and the props I've been carting around in my tiny car scraped up the back seat. Fun right?
But that's the thing. It can still be fun. Some days I laugh so hard that I cry, and sometimes my actors are brilliant by complete accident! One encouraging comment from a student or one handwritten note with hearts and stars, and I remember why I loved being in shows as a kid. I only remember the good times and the laughs we had, not struggling with the teacher to get everyone's focus. I think about how someday these kids are going to reminisce with college friends about "that one time I played Peter Pan in the 4th grade and it was awesome!" and though they may not remember my name, they'll remember how they learned to be confident and quirky and to work together on something bigger than they are.
I'm also on the countdown to another major move, and that is at the forefront of my mind constantly. I have a little less than 1.5 months left in Seattle and I want to make the most of them. However, I know myself and I know that I have been on shut-down mode. It is a struggle for me to initiate with my friends. It is a battle for me to agree to an outing, even if I love bonfires on the beach or dancing with my friends. I'd rather stay in and read or journal or watch my way through Grey's Anatomy again. Part of it comes with being very, very sick for two weeks, but I know my heart and that is not the only root of the problem. My season is changing and my sphere will be radically different. I'll keep and cherish these friendships, but they are going to look different. They'll go on with their lives and so will I. They get to keep one another and I will be starting anew. Part of me, not necessarily the conscious part, is functioning on the idea that it would be easier to slowly start the letting go process now. The other part of me knows that I should be pursuing these friends and taking full delight in the time I have left. But it's hard. Harder than I thought.
Last night I had an impromptu froyo date with one of my roommates and she shared a piece of advice that she was given before her last move. "Lean in." Y'all, that phrase does something inside of me that I can't quite name, but man do I feel it. I want to lean in to this season. I want to take a strong hold instead of running in fear. I want to pursue the people and places God has for me right now. And I'll need His grace to do it.
And if you didn't know it before, you'd soon find out that once you got me talking it's pretty hard to stop me. Something I've been feeling convicted about lately is the apathy that has followed me into this "in between" season. I have not been taking care of my health, physical or spiritual, the way that I want to. I want to create and cultivate heart healthy habits that will carry me through EVERY season of life, and I've come to realize that can begin NOW. I don't have to wait until I move or until June 1st or even until Monday morning. It's time to pursue my dreams and desire with vigor and to hold fast to His Word and His goodness through it all.
I am beginning The Daniel Plan next week. I can't even begin to explain how bad my eating habits are (let's just call them a very unhealthy coping method). But it's not just a diet or a fad. I'm looking at the bigger picture and wanting a greater change. And this is where I'm beginning. I'd love for you to follow in the process! I created an Instagram account specifically for my journey to heart healthy habits and you can find it here, @bravelovedoes. If you've been considering The Daniel Plan, I'd love for you to join me! It'll be better together, yes?
Thanks for listening friends, and I cannot wait to hear your hearts in the link up at Oh Simple Thoughts. Have a happy weekend!