Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Waiting Just Around the Riverbend


Is anyone else singing the song from Disney's Pocahontas? Me, too
While the song is running through your mind, I'd like to add that recently I found out that the one and only Pocahontas is my great-great-great-(great a dozen or so times over) grandmother! How fun, right?! 

Even so, I thought the title was fitting for how I'm feeling these days. For one thing, Green Lake has become one of my favorite retreats. It's funny because you wouldn't catch me even walking the Bear Trail at Baylor in the beautiful spring but here I am in the drizzly cold booking it to the lake whenever I can. The 4 miles home, around the bend, and back are surprisingly doable! Definitely a start. And I know, I know it's not a river, but you get the idea.

The second reason I've been trying to paint with the colors of the wind and hoping to see Grandmother Willow in the weeping trees is that sometimes I feel like my life is waiting just around that riverbend. There is a large part of me that desires to be in control and in the know, with a color-coded map of my next 5 years in hand. Sadly --and graciously-- that is not the case. The journey to the destination is just as important as the place itself, but it is so easy for me to lose sight of that. Can't I just have a compass? Oh, but I do. And sadly, I often choose not to use it...

In my season, I am feeling the pressure of needing to make a decision. I know this is an attack to keep me from waiting on the Lord's timing and perfect plan, but boy does it do a number on me. Suggestions and ideas are coming at me from every side about what next year should look like, and often I want to shout to the mountaintops "Didn't I JUST move to Seattle?!"

The answer is, "Yes, I did."

I don't have to know what's around the riverbend. It could be grad school. It could be teaching. It could be another year or 5 in Seattle. It could be Dallas, Waco, Chicago, London, [insert ANY city here]. The options are WIDE OPEN and still to be discovered. Yet here I am stressing out about not knowing. Not being in control. I keep trying to take it back into my hands, put it on my timeline, and format my future to look how it's "supposed to look." 

Hold your horses, slow your roll. Can we put on the breaks for a moment? Yes, please!

"For you shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace; the mountains and the hills shall  break forth into singing before you. And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
ISAIAH 55:12

When I stress, I've begun to lean on my own understanding and my own abilities rather than His promises. I see an unconquerable mountain, He sees a masterpiece He made for my enjoyment. I see a blank map, and He sees an adventure of trust. I see a particular timeline, and He sees today's obedience or lack thereof. I pray to surrender my hopes and dream while I try to manipulate daily situations to form my own path. You know, that seems counter-productive to me.

But this is the struggle! This is my battle. He's equipped me for it and is saturating my life with the Truth of His goodness, His faithfulness, and His omnipotence. My fear can cower at His feet because it is not my portion. I declare it here and now that worry will not have dominion over my days. 

"May you be strengthened with all power, 
according to His glorious might, 
for all endurance and patience with joy." 
COLOSSIANS 1:11

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow 
for tomorrow will be anxious about itself. 
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
MATTHEW 6:34

I am no longer okay with missing today by stressing over next week or next year. It does no good and does not demonstrate trust in the One who will bring all things to pass. Honestly, sometimes I become frustrated with myself for not having conquered this battle yet. I begin to say things like, "I should have figured this out in college... Why am I so far behind? See, she's trusting the Lord, why can't I?" and so on and so forth. This is not to be about anyone else's spiritual journey, but mine. My journey WITH Christ. 

Can I say it again? My joooooourneeeeeey with Christ. 
Ahem, did you see the key word there? Did I see the key word there? 

I once encouraged a friend "not to skip the journey to the revelation of His plan. The process of seeking Him for the answers is just as important." Looks like I need to take some of my own medicine. Life with Christ is one of promised rest and peace. We receive those things because we know that He is faithful to bring about good things for those who love Him. I may not have all the answers, but that's okay. All He asks of me is to say "Yes" to His plan for today and trust Him with tomorrow.

Let's do it together, shall we? 

"I believe that I shall look upon 
the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! 
Wait for the Lord; 
be strong and let your heart take courage; 
wait for the Lord!"
PSALM 27:13-14

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, 
and in His word I hope; my soul waits 
for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning..."
PSALM 130:5-6

"Call to me and I will answer you, 
and show you great and mighty things 
which you do not know."
JEREMIAH 33:3

I may still sing the song, but I'm not going to worry about what's around the riverbend. He knows me, my needs and my desires and my future, and He has them in the palm of His hand. Wherever you are, He sees you. Christ is interceding on the behalf of both of us, even when we do not know what to pray or how to make sense of our seasons. He does. Let's walk into TODAY saying yes, and leaving tomorrow to its own trouble. Can we do it? By His grace and with His help we can :)

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7 comments:

  1. "I see a blank map, and He sees an adventure of trust." Love that! Such good encouragement.
    And I am so unbelievably jealous you're related to Pocahontas! All-time favorite Disney movie.

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  2. "All He asks of me is to say "Yes" to His plan for today and trust Him with tomorrow." I so needed that reminded. Lovely post!

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  3. Love this! So needed to read this and I think I need to read it like at least 50 more times. So thankful we have the ultimate guide to our journey. ALSO. We are running Greenlake together when I get back (I love running!). Deal?

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    1. Thanks girl, and it's a DEAL! Absolutely! I'm not much of a runner but I'm getting there ;)

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  4. Girl, I feel like we are twinsies in our experience coming and diving into Seattle life - just a year apart! Loved this read!

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  5. Your post is a very timely read! I'm experiencing some of the same feelings and thoughts. I have reminded myself that God has me and not to worry about tomorrow. Thanks for sharing!

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  6. It's a battle so many of us can relate to. Isn't it always easier to hand out medicine than to take it ourselves.

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