Thursday, August 15, 2013

Nothing I Hold Onto || That Song, That Moment

If you haven't noticed, things have been quiet on the home front for these past two weeks. I have opened Blogger numerous times to write, but every time it has been closed upon an empty page. I want to share what has been happening in my life and heart, but it has been hard. In many ways, these past two weeks have been the hardest of the summer. In a season that has been so sweet and so rich, I was blindsided by a rough patch. I need to keep processing and praying through what's been going on in my heart before I share, but I thought I'd pop in for a moment anyway :) 


I was searching for just the right thing to share when I stumbled on this link-up at Sweet Home Santa Barbara called That Song, That Moment. There are many sweet friends sharing about their favorite worship music and encounters, particularly single songs that moved them at one moment in time. Boy oh boy, have I been blessed to have a few of those! Here is the first that came to mind.

Nothing I Hold Onto by Will Reagan & United Pursuit
If you haven't heard of Will Reagan or simply haven't heard anything by him, hop on over to Spotify asap. Their worship albums have rocked my world multiple times over, particularly this song. When I was praying about graduating from Baylor and what He had next for me, over and over again I would hear His still small whisper pointing me to the mountains or to adventure, to Isaiah 55:12 with promises of joy and the mountains breaking forth. At the time, I felt very strongly that I was going to move to Norman, Oklahoma to spend a year in a discipleship training school, taking a break from theatre to refresh and refuel while serving the local church and applying for grad school.



That dream was planted in my heart spring of 2012 and remained there until the following spring, just months before I was to cross that stage. It was then that I felt God changing the whisper --still asking me to trust and promising provision-- but pointing me thousands of miles north and west. Somewhere in the journey (oh, how I wish I had my journals with me!) the song Nothing I Hold Onto played in one of my devotional times.

I wept. The journey was absolutely one of trust and surrender, and this song echoed the cry of my heart. It reminded me that I need only be dependent on God, holding onto Him as I move and step forward, that all else need not a second thought. The lyrics of the song rang out. I could not break free from its message. And I didn't want to.

I lean not on my own understanding.
My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven.
I lean not on my own understanding.
My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven.

I give it all to You, God, trusting that you'll make something beautiful out of me.

I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.
I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open.
There is nothing I hold onto.

I couldn't hold onto doubt, fear, comfort, flesh anymore. I couldn't hold on to my dreams. I couldn't hold onto the picture-perfect future I was trying to create for myself. He promised adventure, not a clear path. He promised His faithfulness, not the three wishes I wanted from a magic lamp. I had trusted Him with Oklahoma, with a direction He so clearly put on my heart, that why shouldn't I trust Him if He led me somewhere else?

And guess what? He did. Through this song He said, "This is your next mountain." Back then I thought it was moving to the land of the Sooners and stepping out of the art world I so loved. Now I see that my mountain would be a climb into the unknown, into the distance, into greater faith and trust. My hands were to be held high in worship and not reaching for things to pull myself up by my own strength. It is still a climb. But it's an adventure. And He led me to a city surrounded by mountains. Funny how He works and plants those seeds ;)

There will always be mountains, but He has gone before me and is coming up behind me. He created the heavens. He will make something beautiful out of me, my climb, and my story. Yours, too, if you let him. Believe me, it's worth it! And it's a journey I hope to walk in for the rest of my life.

"For you shall go out with joy,
And be led out wit peace;
The mountains and the hills
Shall break forth into singing before you,
And all the trees of the field shall clap their hands."
Isaiah 55:12


14 comments:

  1. I know how you are feeling. Just keep pursuing God. HUGS!

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    1. Thanks, girl! He is the answer to all things :)

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  2. Excited to hear more about where God is leading you. Transition time after college = yuck and weird.

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    1. It's pretty strange, but He's been faithful so far so I know He will continue to be :)

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  3. what a beautiful song. it's hard sometimes to face a new mountain,no? but time after time, when we obey He's so faithful to lead and take up through it. love that He used this song for you at that moment.
    thanks for linking up your beautiful testimony!

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    1. Thanks for dropping by! And these mountains might be intimidating, but He is so good!

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  4. I adore that song! It has encouraged me many times over. The coolest thing happened to me last week- I was at a worship service and heard that song for the first time in SPANISH! (I live in Costa Rica). It was so powerful hear that message even being sung to God's children in another language. Thanks for sharing!

    Lauren @ How Beautiful Are The Feet

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    1. Wow! What an experience! I'm sure it was beautiful :)

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  5. Thank you SO much for linking up, and sharing this BEAUTIFUL song! I immediately recognized it, we've sung it at church a few times. It is such an incredible song, with such powerful lyrics. I'm thankful you shared it, so I could add it to my Spotify playlist :)

    "I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open" UGH. love.

    Whatever you've been facing this week, I pray that He would pour out His love, peace, joy, blessings, support, ALL of it on you this weekend, and in the upcoming week. Bless you, friend!

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    1. Thanks a ton girl! I'm so encouraged by your words and prayer, and I believe in faith He is going to fill that this week! SO glad you stopped by :D

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  6. such beautiful words and meaning!! great song :)

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  7. This was so good and just what I needed!

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  8. This is random, but were you going to go to Antioch Norman's discipleship training program?!

    I just found your blog through Our Yellow Door and stumbled upon this post.

    -Becca

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